I’m afraid of creating. Only over the last two years have I gotten over my fear of creating for myself. If you’re keeping me completely honest, I’m still afraid of what people will think of me when they read my journals after I die. I’m not the only one, of course: Elizabeth Gilbert writes about fear in Big Magic, Hank Green talks about it in this video (which I will link to when I find it because I don’t remember what it’s called, but it spoke to me), and when you google “fear of creation” a bunch of creators come up to talk about it. They’ve learned to live with it, even to let it drive them. For me, right now, my fear ties a knot in my stomach, it reaches for the remote and turns on Netflix as soon as I get home. It makes me sleepy and comes up with all kinds of excuses. I’ve read 4 books since I wrote about Bark and I’ve started two reviews, but they’re not good enough.
Yesterday I told myself I would post something on my blog every single day. Because I have limited time and energy today, I wanted to share this tidbit about where I’m at in my journey as a writer. And maybe some of you feel the same way?
Fear is my least favorite emotion, and the prospect of living with it throughout my career is daunting. But maybe I’ll strike a bargain with my fear – just so it isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore. I’ll let you know when I do.